A letter to my future self, PSL version

[neverfirstclass]

The original Thread

(ooc: this takes place at the end of the primary purpose of the trip, before the Heroes depart the world)

One of the first things Cloud had said when they arrived in this version of Gaia was that they should probably not go to Nibelheim. In fact he'd promised himself he wouldn't no matter how homesick he got. He knew it wouldn't be the same. He knew he was so far removed from this version of this world that it wouldn't be his Nibelheim for many more reasons than one.

He couldn't entirely keep that promise.

The blonde found himself standing next to his chocobo on a small rise out side of town. The rocky terrain made it impossible to get there in a straight shot, but it still gave a good view of all the houses. It was as he remembered, as if the fire he'd heard so much about never occurred. There were even wisps of smoke rising from the chimneys in those houses, twisting against the cold dry air blowing down from the mountains. He could pick out his own from the mingling. He could taste that familiar biting child with a touch of dirt and mako mingled with it.

He could go home right now if he wanted to.

"Maybe...maybe it didn't happen the way I heard. Maybe mom is safe after all..."

Comments

Mostly copying from the other thread since we haven't diverted much yet, but editing

[neverfirstclass]

In the back of his mind, Cloud knew this moment was coming the moment that he and the other Heroes wound up on Gaia. There were some close scrapes along the way, but he knew himself enough to know that if he heard about them then he'd have to show up. It's not really surprise that washed over Cloud's face as he came face to face with himself, but it wasn't a moment he could take calmly either.

He knew the outfit, he knew this Cloud, or at least the one who had wound up in Crystallis in that other cycle. He'd sat backseat in his mind, watching as everything fell apart, watching as he gave his life to kill his Sephiroth once and for all. It had left Cloud in an odd spot of witnessing his future without experiencing it. And the others he knew on Crystallis, the other Heroes, had assured him that he didn't have to be that future self if he didn't want to be. It was even something he'd come to vow, to be himself rather than what fate or destiny or Gaia demanded of him.

But now, faced with the Other Him, a not much older man who was doing a good job of holding back how worn he felt. It was almost entirely unlike looking in a mirror. The younger Cloud stood there, wavering on his feet in his modified ShinRa uniform. His hand twitched, his grip on his helmet loosening and falling to the ground with a thunk. Zack gave a soft trill but even the chocobo could feel how heavy this moment was.

The noises pulled Cloud back to the present reality and he put his hand up, gesturing for the others to wait. None of them wanted a confrontation and he trusted in his own knowledge of himself that this Other Cloud didn't either. Still, given the company they were keeping it could lead to trouble. Hopefully Elena hadn't reported back to the other Turks yet. Cloud shot a brief glance over his shoulder at the back of their group, a heavy hood hiding the silver hair beneath. The biggest secret they were keeping as they passed through this world. He looked back at his future, normal blue eyes meeting the pair with the mako glow.

"I..." Cloud's voice caught in his throat. This was a conversation he'd had in his mind, in his dreams, several times over and over again, endlessly when he had nowhere else to direct his thoughts. This was someone he wanted to confront, to question, perhaps even blame for everything he was going through. He swallowed, mindful of how dry his mouth felt. He tried again. Of all answers to all questions, he knew this one. He'd been repeating it to himself for months.

"I'm you. A different you. I'm from a different world. I got brought there two years ago and now...you and I are different." Two years. So much had happened in that time. He was turning 18 this month. A birthday the other Cloud had celebrated in a tube in a basement not far from this spot.

[easypromises]

"Not a clone then." Cloud sighed, relaxing just a little. He wouldn't have put it past Hojo or ShinRa to have pulled something like that... or for there to be one wandering around like Kadaj had been.

Damn, now he was going to worry about it and probably have to ask Reeve if he could find anything out.

"Why did you come here then? There's nobody either of us know in Nibelheim." Actors playing the part of ghosts and those who'd managed to end up in the mountains like some sort of flotsam in a river caught up on the rocks. Nothing more.

Edge was home, not here.

[neverfirstclass]

"No, not a clone," though sometimes he had to admit he wasn't entirely sure. The circumstances surrounding Crystallis were unique to say the least, and a good many of the implications were rather sinister. But they didn't matter. He was himself, he was sure of that. And this Cloud was his own person. And that was part of the problem that had been weighing on his mind.

"I don't know. I guess I had to see it." He looked out to the town in the distance and look a long breath through his nose. The air smelled the same. The same as it did when he left town. And yet he couldn't help but imagine a small taste of burnt wood at the same time.

But the Other Cloud's words told him the truth of what he'd been told. That town wasn't his. It was a fake put up to make it seem like nothing had happened. Mom was gone.

"When I wound up in Crystallis it was...before that mission. I'd been hearing people talking about Sephiroth being mobilized and some of us would be sent along on security duty. Zack mentioned something about me getting to visit home and him looking forward to seeing it."

He turned to look back at his Future Self, "The others told us-, me about what happened. So I knew, but it's not the same."